I'll never forget those words as I sat in the doctors office on base, alone, praying there were more test or options the doctor would give me to try for a baby. I remember feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me and all I wanted to do was cry. How in the world could I wait until we were back in the states to start this process all over again? We still had almost 2 years left in Japan and I couldn't understand why this was our only option at this point.
Will was deployed, shocker, and I had been seeing doctor after doctor to get tests done while he was away so we could get right to it when he returned. This was in the Summer of 2016 and luckily Will was due to return for the halfway mark of deployment soon. The summer seemed to drag on, as they usually did during deployment, but this one in particular felt like it would never end. As long as I can remember, all I have ever wanted was to be a mom. You never think that when the time comes and you are ready, someone would be there telling you it may not happen.
When Will was back in Japan for a visit we finally saw a doctor that gave us some great advice and a glimmer of hope! He said with the timeline we had as far as our time left in Japan, and the limited time we had with Will around, it was in our best interest to go the route of Invitro Fertilization. I'll be honest, I knew a little about IVF and what it stood for, but was pretty clueless on the actual process and what it entailed. Regardless, I felt the life come back into my body and was ready for him to tell us we could just go ahead and start that day since we were at the hospital already! This was it...I was on cloud nine!
The doctor then went on to bring me back to earth by saying the Naval hospital did not do fertility treatments, but he could give me a list of Japanese clinics all over the area that specialized in it.
I'm sorry...did you just say Japanese clinics?
The next few days were spent researching and frantically looking for answers on where to begin. We were also getting ready for a trip we had planned to Bali, Indonesia for the next week while Will was visiting. This trip came at such a perfect time allowing us to talk about our options and research together. The sunshine and the sight seeing weren't so bad either...
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| Homecomings never get old! |
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| Bali monkeys! |
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| Scenery was gorgeous...waterfall wasn't bad either |
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| Learning about Bali coffee |
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| Taste testing the Bali Coffee! |
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| So glad I have the pictures to remember the mustache I loved so much! |
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| We had the most amazing trip! |
A sweet friend of mine and fellow military wife in Japan, came forward and told me her own struggles with infertility. We actually spoke a lot about it during the Summer when I was having testing done and once she found out we would be going the IVF route, she was such a blessing as guidance during that time. She gave me the information of the Japanese doctor she and her husband used while in Japan and spoke so highly of him. Talk about a total God moment. I didn't need to know anymore, it just felt so meant to be and so right.
August 5, 2016 on the beach of Bali, Indonesia I called and made the appointment to meet Dr. Yanaihara and his team later that week.
If anyone remembers when Will and I found out we got Japan, you will remember that I wasn't "thrilled" with this idea. In fact I remember breathing into a paper bag at 2am after finding out. Looking back, that was pretty dramatic and I could breathe fine, but it seemed appropriate to make sure I got my point across on just how I felt about the news. Bless you Will.
I had a major pity party and thought, "God, why in the world are you sending me there? What good could come of me leaving my entire life, family and comforts to go across the world to basically be alone, while Will is gone the whole time? What did I do to deserve this?"
Knowing what I know now, as I look back at our journey to get here, I wish I could go back and hug that version of myself. I would say...TRUST in the Lord. His plan for you is perfect and you just have to WAIT (theres that word again) and see what he has in store for you. I could have never imagined the blessings that were in waiting for me...and it all started with that first doctors appointment in the little town of Ofuna, Japan on August 9, 2016.
Stay tuned...our story of our incredible journey is far from over!
love,
Caroline, Will, Jimmy, Tommy and Tubbs
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